Do you feel that? How can you not? It's happening again. You don't want it to, I know, but it is. Really, there's no better time than right now. You were beginning to think that perfection was achievable, weren't you? That's complete foolishness, and you're a fool for thinking that way.
Picking again, are we? Why do you do that? Just tell me to stop. Try it. There, didn't that feel better? Good, I'm glad it did. Sorry, what was that? Why am I not stopping? Because, I think you need to keep picking. Your face is horrible and picking will free you from impurities. Those scars won't last forever. Well, they might, but don't worry. No one is looking at you.
That made you feel better didn't it? Isn't it to bad that in reality, everyone is looking, watching, and think thoughts about what a shame it is that you look so hideous. No, I can't read their thoughts, but just try looking in their eyes. One set of eyeballs can say words that the mouth will never form; at least, not while you're watching. Turn you back and you will know what they honestly think.
Everyone hates you. They do. Maybe they're nice when you're around, talking to you just to pass the time, but when you're not there, they get a kick out of you. If you only knew what they really think and say. I'm sure you'd have reason enough to pick at that ugly thing you call a face. Honestly, why would they care about you? You're nothing but a moody bitch who cares about herself only.
Isn't it ironic that your mother told you that just last week? She also said that you think you're above everyone else. That was slightly off, I know. Most of the time, you think--no, you know--that you're oh, so below most everyone on the Worthy Scale. Why won't people just come out and tell you their thoughts of something you already know to be true? Your mother did it, why can't everyone else? You're no good! There. I said it. Who's next?
One of the reasons you're hated is because you constantly acknowledge how much farther below everyone else you are. You do it publicly! No one wants to hear that! They'd rather it not be said, so that their eyes do not deceive them by confirming such things. You forget to take these things into consideration. They also dislike you saying anything because it makes you sound like a whiner. Oh, you're depressed. Oh, your dad was an alcoholic and a drugged up asshole. Your mom tolerates you only because she has no one else. You trust the wrong people, then wonder why things don't work. You're fucked up and try to hide it. They're sick of hearing it! Just keep it to yourself. No one cares, you know, which is why talking or writing about such things is on the extremely high leave of Annoyances.
Suicide was made for useless people like you. The only purpose you serve is to remind people what they don't want to be. You're a comfort in that perspective. That's your one good deed, I suppose.
* * *
There are times when I wish that my mind had an electric cord that I could pull from the electrical socket.
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