Getting into and being able to afford going to college is beginning to worry me. Really, it's been worrying me, but it hasn't been this bad. I'm terrified of not getting in at all. I meet most requirements. My GPA is okay (the weighted version, that is). My SAT score was horrible, but I did really well on the ACT. Still, I just can't shake being afraid that I won't get in
There are a few places that I'll be applying to simply because the application fee will be wavered (if I get the application in by a certain date). There are so many places that I'd apply, just to see if I'd be admitted. I guess that there's validation in doing such a thing.
I'm a bit scared that I won't get into the universities here in town (Florida State University and Florida A&M University). I'm more likely to be able to afford going to FSU or FAMU simply because I can stay home (living expenses add up). It's just fine and dandy if I am admitted into other schools, but paying tuition as well as dishing out thousands of dollars on living expenses, is something that I don't think I can afford.
I do have a Bright Future, though. At least, I meet the requirements for the Florida Medallion Scholars Award. It pays for 75% of tuition and fees (including lab fees to $300 per semester) in a public institution. It would really help if that scholarship was awarded to me.
Psychology has been on my mind lately. I've almost decided that I should major in Journalism instead. Writing is a love of mine. I have passion for it. The money isn't that great and there are serious stressors within the field, but it's a good way to mold my skills. I know that I'm a good writer (I'm not trying to sound big headed, I'm just stating something which I find to be true), but I know that there are many things about my writing that needs improvement. If I could improve and learn how to push myself a bit more, I think that I would do okay. Plus, if you look at a lot of authors, you'll find that they have a background in journalism.
Another motive behind me becoming more focused on Journalism again, is that FAMU awards full scholarships to journalism students. If I were able to get that scholarship, they would pay my way through school. I can always minor in something, like Psychology, if I wanted to. Actually, I think they encourage Journalism students to minor in something within the College of Arts and Science. There's also the possibility of going back to school if I found the urge to study Psychology once again.
The one thing that I hate about "choosing my future" is that I don't know what I want. I hate limiting myself and that's what I feel like I'm doing. Being seventeen years old, I don't feel qualified enough to know what I want to do when I "grow up." It just feels like I'm setting these decisions in concrete, which is an idea that does not appeal to me. My life experience is limited, and I feel that one must have a good amount of life experience before one makes such major decisions.
Maybe I'm just analyzing things too much. Perhaps I'm completely ignorant and have no idea what I'm talking about. Still, I just can't help feeling so lost in my anxiety and concerns. What if I make a mistake that is too big to fix?
I just don't want to wake up when I'm 40 years old, wondering why I lied to myself, saying that I should go with Option A, when I really wanted to explore Option B. I don't want to make my decisions solely on expected earnings, but I also don't want to struggle like my mom has been doing the past three years. Maybe I just fear that I'll do things for the wrong reasons, which will only cause me a lot of unhappiness.
If unhappiness was a career option, I think I'd hold a Ph.D. in it. I'm tired of all the negativity and past experiences which caused me a lot of anguish. I've been tired of it, really, which is why I'm in therapy. I knew that I needed help, that I've been stuck in this twisted sort of cycle. Getting out of my negative cycle is a long term goal I've set for myself. It will take time and I've got all the time in the world to work on it. There's no reason to rush or push things along.
So why do I feel so pushed into this mess called College Application/Scholarship Hunting/Financial Aid Needing/Little Money Getting process? Why do I feel so rushed to get it all done, yet not have the resources to complete everything (FAFSA application requires mama to help me fill it out, but she works so much that she has little down time; college applications require transcripts, which are unattainable right now because the guidance department is still dealing with schedule changes and such; everything takes time to get processed, excreta).
Sometimes I feel lost in all the responsibilities I must take on. Maybe that's why I avoid some of them.
Right now, I just don't know. I've been told it's not good to check 'UNDECIDED.' That just makes me feel like I'm lying, because I really am undecided.
« » « »
