After having talked to my mom for less than five minutes, and saying less than 15 words, she became annoyed with me, bursting out with a spirited "What the hell is wrong with you?"
That is one of her favorite sentences in her vast land of country accented vocabulary. I told her to call Cathy if she really wanted a professional's opinion, to which she replied "God damn it Alisha! Can that woman fix you?"
She actually asked me that in a form of angry earnest. Really, I am not sure what her version of "fix" is, but I'm fairly sure that I won't ever reach that point. One day I will be "fixed," but on my terms. Pleasing my mom will not never be someone that I'll fully be capable of accomplishing. If I were a cheerleader, happy-go-lucky, the world is beautiful, Britney Spears, dates on the weekend, prom queen, popular, bouncy, and perfect by all standards type, I doubt that could make her pleased.
Thankfully, I'm not that kind of girl. If I were, I would have tried slitting my wrists a long time ago. Who would want to be like that? There are too many standards to live up to. If you are "perfect" then you must be that way all of the time, so that your fans won't be let down. When you are not happy and chipper, you still must play the part. Looking particularly heinous? Well, find your Revlon products and get to work!
With me, you get what you see. Actually, no you do not. What you see is a nice smile and expressive eyes, but everything else could use major improvements. Most of the time I feel as if I am being overlooked because I don't fit most standards -- but that only pertains to guys. My standards are just fine for friends, because I only attract friends who can handle what I have. My insecurities do not come through (much) unless there's someone of the opposite sex that I find myself interested in. More than likely, that interest is not mutual.
But, I'm use to it now.
Back to what you get when you finally get Alisha:
-sense of humor
-sarcasm
-outgoing (when I get around to it)
-laughter
-intelligence
-love of books
-love of writing
-hard headedness
-attitude
-honest opinions
-and a lot more
I feel like I just came up with a brochure on why you should visit the University of Alisha L---- M-----. We've got one-on-one learning (AKA therapy), extracurricular activities (catching up on sleep, talking to certain someone's, etc.), and wonderful nightlife (meaning that we stay up all night, doing nothing, because UALM is located in boring Tallahassee, Florida).
Make reservations to visit today!
On second thought, don't. I'm really not in the mood for stalkers right now. Besides, my mom wouldn't like strange men (and women, because we're co-educational) lurking around my bedroom late at night.
Now, as for my mom (which is where this entry started off, right?), she just muttered about how she doesn't understand me or why I'm so...
She didn't finish her statement. Instead, she stalked off, carrying Shortie under her arm. To watch your mother walk off, with your dog's ass wiggling under her arm as she goes, is cause enough to say that life is funny.
Sometimes you just forget to see the humor in it (maybe it's because you keep hearing your mom yell "What's wrong with you?!")
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