When unable to concentrate, I tend to become a bit catatonic. I've been told that my eyes become blank, and I look as if I'm mentally absent. That could be because I am mentally absent. My face muscles tend to go into a "slacking" mode. There have been times when I've snapped out of my mental lapses, only to find that I have saliva rolling down the side of my chin and onto my clothes. There's really nothing like bathing in one's drool to make one envision psychiatric patients at the State Hospital. Such things should be on the cover of Hallmark cards. Nothing warms the heart like a crazy person.
Spacing out is a strange thing. Most of the time, I have no recollection of the things going through my mind whenever I'm out of it. I just feel lost. Staring at the computer screen makes me seem as if I'm doing something, when in fact I don't see anything at all. Objects become blurry when I begin slipping. Once my mind is lost, I do not see anything at all. I know that there are objects in front of me, but they do not seem solid or real.
Time slips away. Not being able to account for every minute of my day annoys me. I feel as if I must have my time evenly counted out. As hard as I try, I'm never able to track every minute of my day. This is something that I should probably bring up in therapy. Cathy has already noted that I show strong signs of obsessive-compulsive disorder.
I would add more to this entry, but I just spaced out once again. I don't think that I could produce any more work that is better than this. Perhaps if I were able to stop going cross eyed, I'd be able to get more out, and in a coherent fashion.
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