My mom wants to sell our house and move into a new place located in Wakulla County. Naturally, I observed that her new intended destination is not located in Leon County, where we now reside. Wakulla County is only a leap, jump, skip, and 15 minute drive up the road from our house, but that doesn't change the fact that it's a whole other county!
After my exclamation of, "But these print outs [of houses for sale] are all in Wakulla," my mom kindly pointed out that she's "moving out of this God damn house, away from your God damn dad, and into Wakulla County!" My dad doesn't live with us. He lives by us, not with us. I brought this to my mother's attention. "I don't give a damn! He's too fucking close and we're moving, God damn it!"
I get the feeling that God is on my mom's bad side today.
Her declaration of moving to Wakulla caused me to inform her that "I'll have to get a job once it's time for college, then. I'm not staying in Wakulla County while attending FSU. The commute is just too far. Gas isn't cheap, you know." Mama asked where I intended to live if I didn't plan on living with her. She asked in a smug tone, as if I wouldn't be able to find a place to live. "In a tree house, ma. I'm going to live in a tree house," was my reply.
"I ain't paying for your damn college education and an apartment for you to live in! You'll have to get a job or live with me. I know how you are, so you'll probably be shackin' in the same place as me," said my mother.
"No, I will just have to get a job. I might find a roommate or something. It's time for me to get a little of that real world experience you're always raving about. Besides, I'm not going to have sex in a house that I occupy with my mom. I just won't do it. That only leaves me the option of an apartment, because I'm not going to be a 20-something year old virgin. That's worse than not having an education."
"You're not having sex!"
"Everyone knows that mom. But once I move out on my own, everyone will know that I am having sex, because I'm going to make it loud and clear. I'll be able to do that, too. I won't be afraid of you walking in on me as my partner does something extremely kinky with a bit of leather and a sex toy...or his real toy...whichever is right for the mood."
I think I might have stunned my mom just a bit. She looked as if she was having a panic attack without the panicking -- she didn't move a muscle, say a think, or blink her eyes. She just looked stunned.
Now, she should've known I was going to move out sometime soon.
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