I have a problem. Well, I have a lot of problems, but I'm trying to focus on this one for the time being.
My problem is this: I like to pick at my face. See, I can spend an hour (or more), standing in front of the mirror in my bathroom, and use a bobby pin to free my pores of all the impurities that are both present, and not present. There are times when I begin to think that there's something wrong in my head, because I can't stop myself from picking at my face.
Within the last 4 months, my face has gotten really horrible looking. Scars are beginning to appear. They're big, red, and nasty. These scars only cause me to pick even more, because I'm convinced that I can correct them if I just get this blackhead out or pop that pimple. My family is beginning to comment on how "broken out" my face looks.
Breaking out, meaning that I get pimples, blackheads, and whiteheads, is something that I'm use to. My breakouts use to be much worse. When I was 12 years old, right before my seventh grade year started, I went to the dermatologist. He said that I had a lot of whiteheads and blackheads, but that they could easily be cured. He prescribed Differin (adapalene gel) and told me to take care.
The first 6 weeks of using Differin makes one wonder if the gel is doing it's job. One breaks out like never before. However, after about 6 weeks, there are noticeable differences. One's face begins to look clearer. It's a great feeling to know that one's acne is clearing up.
Because of excessive drying out, I stopped using the gel around the time I was 13. My skin hasn't been as terrible ever since.
Now, however, it is not so much the acne that is the problem, but the picking. It feels as if something is making me pick at my face, but I know that's not it. As hard as I try, I just can't keep myself from picking. I hate going out, because I know that my face is hideous these days. The scars are terrible. Still, I pick, and pick, and pick.
My breaking out is annoying, but it's not as bad as it was. If I keep myself on a strict schedule of how to go about keeping my face clean (and I do), then I just don't break out. That doesn't mean that I can't find things to pick at. It's as if I can see every pore on my face, and there's something blocking it up that I must get out.
I'm not sure why I'm picking and I don't know what's causing it. Is there even a name for my problem? If I had some idea, maybe I could do some research on how to make myself stop. There's got to be something. I try to make myself put the bobby pins back, to keep them away from my face, but I can't. I feel compelled to pick, and pick I do!
I've got to find some way to stop, though. I don't want to have terrible scaring that lasts my entire life. I'm afraid that will happen if I don't find a way to stop myself. It's just that I can't concentrate on anything if I feel the need to pick at my skin. I try really hard, but it feels as if there's something under my skin that I can't get to, and it makes me want to pop this and squeeze that. A lot of the time there's nothing that can come out of my pores, but I keep squeezing, convinced that there's something there.
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