Tom called me this morning. My head is still reeling.
He's such a great guy. He's the total package -- good looks, funny, smart, sweet. I'm beginning to wonder if he has anything about him that is imperfect.
We didn't speak for very long, because he had to get ready for work. I didn't want him to hang up the phone, but I knew that he had to. We don't get to talk that often, but I cherish the time when we are able to speak to one another. He said that he'd look into changing his hours at work, so that we'd be able to spend more time together (as together as we can be, that is).
I look forward to whatever time he can make for me. He's captured my attention, and I don't mind. My favorite part about this relationship (friendship, but it's not like I wouldn't mind something more...if only we lived closer) is that it's been built in a very gradual process. Nothing's been rushed or forced. Everything has come together in a matter of months, which is a welcomed change.
It's when feelings have been rushed, caught up in the exhilaration of the fast bonding between myself and The Male Of The Moment (MOTM from here on), that I have to really watch myself. In those situations it is highly likely that I've created a fascination with the MOTM. I'll even admit that it's likely that I've become obsessed with the MOTM. It's the feelings, the adrenaline rush, that keep me hooked. The MOTM is like my heroin, and I'm nothing but a junkie; I can't keep myself from wanting another hit.
Tom's relationship with myself isn't like that. I'd like another hit of him, but not in the same sense as I described above. My feelings for him are different...they're deeper. I really care for Tom, in such a way that I've never cared for anyone else. When Tom and I talk, there are very few boundaries. We can tell each other anything, without feeling embarrassed or stupid. I think what I really like is that Tom asks me how I am, and genuinely wants to know. He cares about me.
That's what makes him different. Too many guys, that I've had relations with, didn't really care about me.
I just hope that he knows how much I really care for him. Sometimes I'm bad at showing how I really feel. Putting my feelings into words can be a difficult task sometimes. I genuinely care for him. I'm interested in everything about him. Often, when we speak, I can't think of the questions that I want to ask. I want to know all about him, but thinking of the right things to say or ask becomes difficult. As I've stated before, my people skills aren't that good. Still, I want to know everything that there is to know about him. His family, his country (he's from Holland), his thoughts, ideas, feelings...everything.
No matter what happens, what may come about in our futures, I just hope that he'll still want to talk every once in a while. He's a breath of fresh air, and I like that I'm capable of taking deep breaths around him.
Tom...he makes me feel very Happy, Happy-Joy, Joy. I hope I have a similar affect on him.
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