This is my 100th diary entry. I find this to be quite a feat. It would've been nice to have something extra special to post as my 100th entry, but I couldn't find anything quite special enough. I almost gave up hope. I was inches away from posting:
But because of boredom, I was able to salvage what might have been a lackluster 100th entry. I now give to you the meat and potatoes (I hate that expression) of this post:
by Alisha
ARIES - March 21 to April 20
It’s time to stock up on knives, guns, bullets, and other weapons of mass destruction, Aries! Mars will be in your neck of the psychiatric ward until the 24th, making you wild and crazy (emphasis on crazy). You’re one creative cookie, so finding uses for your new toys won’t be a problem. Have fun and remember, safety is your friend.
Taurus - April 21 to May 21
A new hobby has captured your attention this month. This hobby is holding your attention hostage, intending to release it only after being paid a 1 million-dollar ransom fee. It looks as if you’re going to be on short terms until that ransom is met.
Gemini - May 22 to June 21
Being the sexy devil you are, you will be getting fucked from one hole to another, Gemini. Do not be surprised to find yourself added to the growing statistics on Sexually Transmitted Diseases.
Cancer - June 22 to July 23
You’ve found love at long last! Candy, the 23-year-old, 5’3, blond hair, blue eyed beauty who’s captured your heart is everything you’ve ever dreamed of. Well, I have news for you. Candy used to go by the name Andy C. and was recently released from prison. Watch out for AOL Love, Cancer.
Leo - July 24 to August 23
You’re feeling very dramatic this month, Leo. Starring in your own porno does that to you. Because Mars is mingling with Leo, it can be foretold that your porno will do very well in Rental Sales. Hugh Heifer might even pick it up and distribute it under the Playboy label. You've got a bright future Leo, yes you do!
Virgo - August 24 to September 23
A new admirer is wondering why he never saw you before. Kindly point out that it might be because he’s legally blind (literally).
Capricorn - December 22 to January 20
A friend suggests that the two of you take up fencing lessons. You agree -- you’ve always wanted to stab her in the back.
Libra - September 24 to October 23
Go get ‘em tiger! Libra’s are feeling ferocious this month due to Venus, the lady of love, which may explain the increase in restraining orders.
Aquarius - January 21 - February 19
By the 24th Venus you could make a fun, flirty romantic connection. If not, shoot your intended connection and become a necrophiliac.
Scorpio - October 24 - November 22
You are popular, smart, and intelligent. If you pay me another thirty bucks you can be good in bed as well.
Pisces - February 20 - March 20
Here’s a little known secret that Pluto is revealing to only you this month: You’re going to die. Pluto is so helpful, isn’t he?
Sagittarius - November 23 - December 21
You can be so paranoid sometimes, you silly Sag, you! But really, you have no reason to be that way. We’re only watching every move you make.
« » « »
