The closest I've ever come to finding my "match" was never that close. At least, not romantically. (I can't believe I just wrote that sentence. It sounds so girlie!) My three best friends are my matches in almost every way. Each of them bring different characteristics out of me, each of my characteristics appealing to those of their own. They've been my matches.
Michael is different, a good different. I've never interacted with anyone quite like him. It seems that we have a lot in common. I don't even know how to describe him. He's just...great. I don't say that about many people.
We haven't known each other very long. Really, we don't quite know one another very well, but we're learning. He's someone I'd really like to get to know. There are times when I feel like I really want to know him, but then I'm overcome with the fear of how disappointing I am, which causes me to decide that I should put an end to all interaction between Michael and myself. Being pulled apart by two different emotions is an awful feeling.
For the most part, I don't have low self-esteem. In fact, I hardly ever feel bad about myself, which can be inferred by my personal choices. I do, however, suffer from very low self-esteem when confronted about my feelings for the opposite sex. I find it difficult to feel as if I deserve the attention I may receive from a male. Often, I feel that I'm just not good enough.
It is very likely that I will push him away. Why? I'm not sure, really. I don't know how our friendship will evolve (if it does). It doesn't matter what happens with our friendship; I will end up pushing him away. It seems that I always do, so what will make this any different?
My pessimistic thoughts are depressing. They can be put aside, though. I get this weird happiness whenever I think about Michael. God, I sound like a girl, don't? =) I have a feeling that I will regret my actions, whatever they may be. I just can't shake my negative vibes.
At least, if something does happen, I will be telling the truth whenever I say, "It's not you, it's me..."
Because it really is me. I'm the screwed up one. He's about as normal as I'd like for them to come.
Heh, here comes those happy thoughts...
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