I said that I would update, and by god, I am! I've written a lot of things which may or may not appear here. I've had a lot of time on my hands, what with me not doing my math work in class and all.
And now, without further ado...
June 11, 2003
10:53 a.m.
In Study Skills Class
I'm still very unhappy about my math course. I've already started my procrastination process. I've got a bit of homework to do, nothing hard, but I haven't yet opened my math book. I know, Bad Alisha, but I've got my reasons. They're not that good, but at least I've got them.
Why Alisha Procrastinates While In Hell¹
I) I do not care for math. The longer I put it off, the less dealings I have with it.
A) I did not do the warmup for Study Skills today. I told myself that I would do it later on at home. Six weeks from now, I will probably still be meaning to do the same warmup. Class ends in six weeks. Once the class is through, I won't need to do them.
II) I do not want to be in this class. It seems that the math and Study Skills classes are designed for sixth graders. Slow ones.
III) I have to wake up at 6 a.m. For six weeks of my summer, I'll be getting up at the crack of dawn. There should be laws against such a thing.
IV) I tune out as soon as the teacher begins talking. I can't zone in on what's being said. Instead, I write, while a discussion goes on about different learning styles.
A) I think that I'm a Dynamic Leaner. I prefer to solve problems by looking at hidden possibilities and process information concretely.
Tonight I've got to report to the sleep disorder clinic. I'm going to be wired up and video taped. That kind of thing sounds like I'm making and amateur bondage porno. That would be interesting. If the sleep disorder attendants get a little freaky, I'll be sure to broadcast my encounter across the Internet. Stay tuned to find out when and where you can see Alisha in Live Action. It's kind of like Big Brother, but with nudity, dildos, and other cool shit to play with.
June 12, 2003
10:20 a.m.
In Study Skills
My sleep study went well. There's really nothing to tell about it. I went, got wired, and went to sleep. I woke up a few times, but fell back asleep faily quickly. I was so sleepy last night. That's a good thing, though, since I went there to have my sleep monitered. They weren't interested in what goes on while I'm awake.
I'm beginning to notice that I write constantly. I've never noticed how often I can be seen hunched over a piece of paper, scribbling down all the thoughts that are running around in my head. What caused me to notice this? Simply that I was thinking about what I've done in the past three days, and all I could come up with is writing.
I love writing so much that it doesn't seem like a chore. I guess that's why I've never noticed the amount of time I spend each day doing this activity. I seriously spend all of my free time writing. I spend most of my class time writing, as well, even though I should try concentrating on my math work a little more.
As much time as I spend writing, I often feel as though I have very little work to show for it. Very seldom do I like what I've written, I cringe to reread my work; every error, spelling mistake, or awkward sentence makes me think, "How stupid can you be? You should know that this sentence sounds better like that. Awful, just awful! You'll never make it with skills as terrible as these!" I have such high self-esteem.
I often write about my feelings and perceptions, which are of little significance. I'd rather have a short story to show than pages and pages of my ramblings. For as much as I go on about my feelings, I'm not in touch with them at all. Writing is said to be therapeutic, but how much do I have to write before I get all of my muddled confusions out of the way? I mean, once I do that, I can get back to my short stories, right? That's what I keep telling myself, but I'm not so sure that it's true. I don't want 90% of my work to be about my feelings. I want to have my love of short story writing back. I'd have a better chance at being published with a short story than I would if a book of my life were published. I mean, who would buy a book about me? Who would want to read such a thing?
* * * *
So, there's your fix (if you were craving one) of the thoughts that have been running through my head the past few days. I've got plenty of other things that I could type, but they will have to wait. It's 10:50 p.m. and I haven't yet taken a shower. Hygiene must come first, my friends!
¹Hell in this sentence is referring to my remedial math course. It is just that: Hell.
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