Tired. Empty. Needy. Without. Lacking. Pressure. Need to, but never get around to it. Wanting. Missing. Strange. Mixed.
Those are my present states of mind. From one to another. I'm so sick of feeling mixed up and confused. To close my eyes and forget the world, to escape reality, is my only goal at this very moment.
If I were one to do drugs or drink alcohol, I'd be wasted by now. As it is, I'm drowning in reality.
Really we all are, but how we react depends on what state our reality is in. If we're happy, we don't mind reality. If we're mixed, we find it uncomfortable. Being sad or depressed makes us want to escape it.
Am I depressed at this current moment? Yes. There's no reason for it, I've not encountered any type of difficulty today, but depression never has been thoughtful enough to ask for permission, anyway. He just comes right in, makes himself at home, and eats the peanut butter and jelly sandwich that you originally fixed for yourself.
My PB&J sandwich is called my mind and my soul. I feel drained of all emotion, except despair. Let me just close my eyes and stay in the dark for a while. If I could just escape how I feel right now, opting for a happier me, this would be almost bareable.
Sadly, the only way to really escape reality is through death, and I'm just not ready for that yet.
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