Tonight's weather was perfect. Most people do not appreciate the soft blowing wind that comes with pre-storm weather. I am not one of those people.
When it begins to get dark outside, rain starts to lightly drizzle, and the wind blows every few minutes, it is likely that you'll find me outside, staring up at the sky, appreciating such a wonderful atmosphere. The wind makes me feel alive. The darkness gives me energy, something which I tend to lack (bless those 15 pills I take each day).
Such beautiful weather drew me outside tonight, like around 7:30. I latched a leash onto Shortie's collar and pronounced that I was going to take him on a walk. We walked, exerting energy and drive that tends to get pent up inside me. Though it was lightly raining and I did not think or care to bring an umbrella, my hour long walk was spent being exposed to the rain. I loved it.
Walking threw the rain makes me feel connected to nature. That may sound corny, it might just be corny, but that doesn't make the statement any less true. There is something truly special in feeling one with the environment that surrounds one.
I was at one with everything around me. I saw the pulchritudinous ways of the trees, flowers, bushes, moss, and dirt that shaped my atmosphere. Sometimes it's good to sit back and appreciate what's there. I don't do that often enough, but when I do, I feel a certain invigoration from realizing just how appealing nature really is.
My admiration come from this strange happiness that's boiling inside of me. When was the last time I felt so free and joyful? It seems that my memory doesn't stretch back that far. If only I could capture these wonderful feelings and store them in a glass jar, only pulling out bit by bit of Giddy Sensational Satisfied Happiness; I can't, and that's all right. To bask in the warm light of happiness, one must know what it's like to wallow in dispair.
Back to this blissful feeling that's taken me over -- do I even need to speak of the circumstances that have lead to this feeling? He is part of the reason for my bursting gleefulness. Oh God, he is such perfection in my eyes. I see flaws, but they make him perfect because they make him human. My own insecurities have been pushed to a corner and have been threatened to not even dare show themselves. I will not ruin this for myself.
He has satisfied me in ways that I've no experience. Teach me, please.
Does this mean I'm giving myself over? Will I let go of my control? Not entirely (do we every fully let ourselves go?), but I've decided to bust a few walls which seem to still be fully erected. I don't know how this will end. Predicting the outcome is useless because odds say it won't last long. I'm rooting for the other side, the one that says trying with everything I have will create the outcome I want.
I'm rambling, it seems. Simply beautiful weather calms me, as I send out a silent Thank You for being so wonderful. A secret smile keeps creeping onto my lips. The wind asks who it is I'm thanking, who it is that I'm thinking of.
As much as I love the lovely wind and its fellow friends, I believe my Thank You goes to someone in the streets of New York City.
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